14 Fears of an Unknown Friend

The day of their 14th birthday, orphans all over China face the same fate, according to Chinese law they can no longer be adopted into a family. They "age-out" of the system. These children have been on our family's heart for quite some time now, and the burden and heartbreak has been even stronger over the past year.

Here is a poem my sister Abby wrote that was inspired by a boy we know of who turns 14 in 10 days.  It tells of the thoughts that must go through the minds of older children who desperately want to be loved.

14 Fears of an Unknown Friend

1. The dark, esp. when alone
2. Not fitting in
3. Disappointment and Denial
4. Being Ignored, Forgotten
5. Dogs, esp. the ones that bite
6. Being hurt in any way
7. Loneliness, Emptiness
8. Not knowing, Uncertainty
9. Happiness being stolen away
10. Loss
11. That which is New, Different, Unknown
12. Abandonment
13. Always missing family, missing love
14. Not being adopted in time for my 14th Birthday

~ARL (age 14, adopted from China in 2000)

As a family, we have been discussing what our role should be in standing with these children who carry a burden that no almost-14-year-old should never have to face. It's so hard knowing this exists and then continue to live life as if it doesn't. As stated in Brooke Fraser's song "Albertine", "Now that I have seen, I am responsible."

Older child adoption is no walk in the park. It definitely takes time but it is not time wasted. It is not something that should be overlooked simply because of the hardships it may bring. These children, deemed "unwanted", didn't ask for the situation they are in; if given the choice they obviously would have never taken this path. Adoption is not for every family, but every family can do something.

Can't wait for the day when more families are being built, rather than more orphanages.

Emma (also 14, adopted in 2001) drew this to go with Abby's poem. The magpie bird outside the window is a symbol of happiness in China. The Chinese writing in the picture on the wall says, my future.

I want friend to know that chasing happiness for years and years isn't fruitless, that hope is not pointless. That all the years spent hoping, innocent and vulnerable, weren't for nothing but disappointment. That believing in love doesn't lead to denial. That God doesn't give up on you. I want friend to know that the picture drawn of their future was not just a figment of their imagination. ~ARL


These are just a few articles that are about China specifically:
Love Without Boundaries
Rainbow Kids - Q&A

There is also a book called The Connected Child which has a lot of insight on adoption.

Yes, we always keep adoption on the table in our house. People have said we are nuts, crazy, amazing, inspirational, etc. when we are actually none of those things. Families don't come more ordinary than us. It doesn't take someone special or out of the ordinary to help the fatherless, just takes someone willing.

The Lindner Family